Anal Fixation

It was my regular mid-week hang out with Vinnie and we were having our favorite chocolate mousse from a really yummy restaurant we had recently discovered from the plethora of the new budding restaurants. Lahore never runs out of food and new restaurants. Eating from the same cup of young (ya it was, by God), smooth and creamy mousse, Vinnie announced “Uff! Chocolate is so orgasmic.” And I was like, “Excuse me!! are you insane or something? How can chocolate give anyone a rush?”
“It can, you inexperienced virgin bitch.” She said cheekily.
“Hain (What)???”
I put out the spoon out of my (yummy) mouth (I bet it is) and intoned like a great leader ready for his winning speech “Sweety, I may not be as much experienced as my contemporaries are but I am not a virgin. You know all of my experiences in graphic detail. I don’t know then way you are defaming me.”
“I know that’s why I am saying this, loser.”
“Ho haye! (Oh) Can her highness be kind enough to explain the reason for overlooking my experiences and denouncing me as a virgin?”
“Yeah I can, I am a generous Princess.” She smiled back and then said, “You see, you haven’t done sex yet, I mean you have never been involved in penetration, not even into orals. Your sex experiences are so mediocre and low status in nature. I mean it’s like, “Vinnie Vinnie, look wind just passed by me and I had sex or Vinnie Vinnie he took my hand and I had sex.”
I was shocked, “You mean only penetration is that “high powered” kind of sex and all the other ones are low powered things to do which you don’t think are good enough to qualify as sex. What the fuck, I disagree.”
“You see in heterosexual sex, act of penetration is involved…”
“I am not a heterosexual…”
“I know, but majority of the people, gay people do that.”
“Don’t preach might is right philosophy to me, Ok. And don’t say that I am still a virgin. I hate this word.” I closed the discussion there and then because I realized I receive similar reaction from the Pink community as well. People are so much obsessed about anal sex and I am unable to identify why exactly gaiety means anal sex. I have met a few guys in their questioning phase saying that they didn’t want to have anal sex. Was that really important to be gay and to have anal sex?
I went through same questions during my coming out. I didn’t feel like having anal sex but almost every gay guy around me would say how can you be gay then? What about oral?? No??? Strange, are you really gay? Then what you will do in bed honey, just holding hands? It was so depressing and pressurizing for me to handle and process all that shit. I remembered that if ever I would share my experiences, they would start laughing and saying, “You are still a virgin and virginity isn’t a dignity, it’s just lack of opportunity.”
Whole gay sex politics revolves around top/bottom dichotomy and its very basis is heteronormative in nature. Being a top (the one who penetrates) is associated with manliness, power and control and is considered to be of high stature whereas being a bottom (one who gets penetrated) is associated with womanliness, dependency, the one who can be controlled and of low stature. In heterosexual context, penetration (hard core feminist may excuse me) may be justified for child bearing but in homosexual context, its obligation doesn’t make any sense. The question here arise that whether the gay men are trying (consciously or unconsciously) to imitate heteronormative sexual dynamics to themselves, if yes then why?
One day I was really depressed about all this shit and shared my thoughts with Gaia. She became furious and said, “Fuck them all who say this to you. Lanant hai, phelay bunda straight logon kay mutabik bunnay ke koshsish karta rahay, phir ab yeh log humain batain kay hum kaisay achay GAY bun saktay hain.” (Fie on them, first we try to live our lives as straight people want us to live and now these gay people are suggesting us how to be a good gay.)
I did the same; I never resigned to their suggestions because what I do in my bed is of no one’s concern. No one can define what is SEX for me and what I like and want to do in SEX. So, it’s a wide call for everyone out there that if you don’t want to do anything just doesn’t do it. Sex involves a whole range of variant pleasing activities; don’t feel compelled to follow any pattern you don’t want to follow, even if your partner insists. It’s your body, it’s your life, and it’s your SEX. Enjoy SEX, the way you want it.

(Image Courtesy: Konrad Mostert)