Arsi-Hadi Finale

After that Suhag raat, Arsi left Pakistan for 6 months but remained in contact through calls and emails. Slowly and gradually our few mutual friends were sniffing something going on between us and we both were ok with that. One day, I got a call from him in which he was crying and on asking the reason, he told me that he has slept with a guy and was feeling guilty about it. It was almost two months after his departure. But I was ok with it and I said, “That’s what I told you will happen. It’s ok.”
“Are you angry at me.”
“No I am not because I can understand your loneliness and moment of despair. So, it’s ok don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter much to me.”
“Why it doesn’t matter to you.”
“Because I am a practical guy. I know about the realities and pressures one has to go through in this life and so chances of getting astray are higher.”
“Hmmmm…. Thanks for not making an issue out of it.”
“Cheers.”
But I knew internally that if I have been in love with him, my reaction would have been ballistic because I am one nerdy possessive guy of this time.
After six months he came back and I received him at the airport. We stayed together for the whole night and he jumped at me literally. And I wasn’t enjoying the stuff going on. In the morning when he got up and said, “Why don’t you go to a gym and lose some weight. I want people to look at my boyfriend and say, WOW what a guy.”
I was directly looking in to his face with sheer seriousness and getting the idea he covered that up with a stupid smile and a kiss and said, “Magar app to humain aisay bhi achay lagtay hain.” (But still I like you the way you are.)
I didn’t reply him and got out of bed and realised I didn’t love him and neither did he. For him I was just a contested prize he wanted to show off to the world. “Look! I got him, I screw him, I fuck him, I own him.”
I never let my parents to objectify me then how dare this filthy ugly hairy crap existing on the face of this earth is saying me so. I realised that I never loved him and I didn’t even want to try. And I couldn’t do sex with him because I can’t do sex with the person I don’t like. I liked him that night in his city but now the spell is over. Don’t think that he said few things one day and I decided otherwise. He has been asking me for penetrative sex, for losing weight, for getting me all over and controlling me and I have been letting things go. But after meeting him and having unpleasant sex with him, all of the things bothering me from the last six months made me finally decide what I wanted. So, end of the story.
P.S. He reportedly brought some fancy gifts which I never got because things weren’t well between us.
He has been doing sex randomly abroad.
And while doing a research at Manjam I was getting emotionally involved in someone during Arsi’s absence. And now I am gonna write about him.

(Image Courtesy: D. Sharon Pruitt)

Arsi-Hadi I

I met Fari for the last time in June and by the end of July I met Arsi through a mutual friend. He wasn’t a good looking guy but somehow he was raw, from his heavily hairy chest to his wheatish complexion, to his square jaw to the yummy stubble, he seemed to be a wild beast in bed (I expected so) and that’s what I liked about him. After Fari, I was so much busy in my professional life and my activism that I didn’t get that emotional went out period, no hibernation or depression phase been observed, just a few days of low mood and then life took it’s pace.
During our first meet up, he got inspired by me (that’s what he said to his friends) by the way I have sorted out my queerness and the way I was comfortable in my skin. My activism, my writings, my fair complexion, was big turn on for him. By profession, he was an engineer, just like Fari and he was leaving Pakistan in a month or so when I met him very first time.
After the first meet up, we met twice with our mutual friends and both times I was the focus of his attention and I was enjoying that, the way he was looking at me, it was making me feel so yummy. He even joked about getting into a relationship for the few weeks he was left with and I was all laughing and flirting.
In one of those meetings, he asked me to join him for a farewell party his best buddy was throwing up for him and I was kind of unsure of actually going but when I learnt my friends will be there, I said ok, I’ll come. Party was nice, though it was very hot but really nice music, men on dancing floor, tasty Biryani and naked men(rather man, he himself put off his shirt and started dancing while pondifying me, lols), really made it worthy. Near dawn when we all resigned, four of us were sharing a room and no need to say that me and Arsi were sharing the same room with two of our friends. Seriously I didn’t have any naughty intentions, not even when he chose to sleep next to me on the bed. The lights were switched off and then the story started.
After sometime, he hugged me and I hugged him back, started patting him on his back remembering his recent cry session with his friends a few minutes back. But I was wrong. After a while, he started kissing my neck and I was like “Hain! Yeh kya ho raha hai?” (What the hell is happening?) But I let him kiss my neck and didn’t protest and pretended to be asleep. Then he put his head above me and started kissing my lips, “Now that’s the limit.” I thought that but still I opened my mouth for tongue to tongue interaction and all that chup chup (kissing sound) was getting more and more audible in the room. I whispered in his ear about the sound and he suggested, “Let’s go in the room upstairs.” and left the room.
It was very first time for me but still I was very calm and confident about it. I started asking myself what I was doing and why I was doing, what will be its outcome or repercussions for the next 15 minutes.And then I said to myself, “HadiHussain, it’s a high time that you should get laid. You feel attraction towards this guy and he wants you with all your flab and non-penetrative sexual nature and he’s leaving in a few days. So, let’s do it”.
I was 24 then and it was the first time I got intimate with someone. When I left the room I saw him sitting just right there in the stairs with his head in his hands and as he saw me he stood up passionately and said, “I thought you will not come”. And he started kissing me madly right there, but I cued him for the vacant room upstairs. It was two hours session, with passionate kissing, personal talks and future plans. I was taking things very casually but he seemed somewhat serious, rather impractical. He didn’t know me but wanted to have a relationship because he liked me a lot and he wanted to put all his efforts to make our potentially long distance relationship work. I told him that it wouldn’t work but he persisted on to try.
“I will remain loyal to you. I’ll not sleep around with anyone. I promise.”
“But you don’t need to do so. It will be cruel on my part to levy such demands on you. We hardly know each other so there is no bonding to survive on in that foreign land. You will be hell lonely and in loneliness people do end up having sex. So, it’s ok. You can do anything you want. I can understand. Don’t bother yourself with it.”
“This means you will be having sex as well.”
“How many times you think I am having sex? You are my first one, I don’t have much desires”.
“That’s why I love you” he said and kissed me once again “And I’ll remain loyal to you”.
We took a shower together and then we came into the lounge like good naïve young boys and behave as if nothing has happened. I asked him not to talk about last night adventure to anyone, although I knew that Randy must have an idea about it as he’s a seasoned queer folk who has even lost his hairs in gaining all this experience and I was right about him. Before leaving that place, he vowed for his love and loyalty towards me and we hugged and I came back to Lahore.


Image Courtesy: Maria Li

The Day I Found I Got HIV

We were walking down the great Mall road of Lahore one day and having our regular evening meet ups when all of a sudden, in a pure typical gossip tone, Boze announced, “You know what, Haris(my ex) had even slept with Earl.”
“What? Holy shit, but he’s HIV positive.”
And then there was a brief serious silence followed by a surprising worried look in our faces and then like a fire cracker I roared, “Haye! main mar gaya(Oh shit man, what the fuck) Boze.”
“Slut! Don’t say that please, don’t say that…nae nae(no no)… ya Allah (oh God). Tell me exactly what you have done with him, tell me in peculiar details.”
“Mother bitch! I am not like you, I didn’t go for your usual bed ritual but…but there was pre-seminal fluid and Oh my God, Oh my God…. Boze, I am gonna die.”
“Shut up, I ‘ll bitch slap you. It’s not the way of getting infected. “
“Tera bera gharak ho Boze. Kujri kutti haramzadi, haye tujhay aik he kunjar mila tha puray Lahore main meray liye.” (Boze, may you go to hell. You slut, you bitch, you rascal, from the whole Lahore, you found such a man whore for me.“
“Tou main nay kub kaha tha kay pheli date pay he munah kala kar lain us kay saath.” (Excuse me! did I ask you to fuck him in the very first date.)
“Haye mujhay kya pata tha kay who chalti phirti sasti sawari hai, mujhay to us nay monogamous relation ke goli day kar loot liya.” (Oh God! I didn’t know he was a promiscuous liar, I got carried away with his flowery dreams of monogamous relationship.”
“BozeI am going to die. Please forgive me for my sins.”
“Shut up Hadi, you are not going to die…” and then he looked at me and said, “I hope so.”
“Can you be less melodramatic and tell me what should I do now after your bloody senior (he’s Boze senior in University) has infected me.”
“Shahbash Main melodramatic haun ya tu. Haye roola daal kar pura Mall road ikhata kar lia hai tu nay, Cholo.” (Wow! You are the drama queen here. Look with your hue and cry you have assembled whole Mall road in front of you.)
“ Haye (Oh) Booze, I have done sex for the second time in my whole life, don’t tell me I am not gonna do it again. This isn’t fair. Just see a lot of people are sleeping around with every Tom Dick and Harry and still healthy and poor me, if I dared to take a chance in my life then see that’s what happened to me.”
“Hadi, jaan I’ll not let you die.”
“Hunah ayeda tu Mughal-e-Azam.” (Hunah! You aren’t Mughal-e-Azam).
“Baji (Sister) don’t worry. I promise you that I’ll arrange a dozen hunks every Thursday for a party at your grave, who will dance naked and celebrate your untimely departure.”
“Boze, seriously, am I gonna die.”
“Shut up! You bitch”. He hugged me and pecked my cheeks and said, “It’s not gonna happen. Don’t worry jani (friend).”
Later that night, vine called me up and I broke news to her as well. And once again, I narrated my Haris-Hadi bedtime story to her and mind you she laughed at several points. In the end, she panicked and said, “Bus khatam hogaye, haye nae (Is it enough, oh please) I want to hear more dirty stuff.” And I was like “Haye Bhagwan” (Oh Lord). Later she did ask his doctor friend about contracting HIV and let me now that you are safe Hadi but I was still not feeling good.
Now it was first night after I realised that I have been in bed with a guy who has previously been in bed with an HIV positive guy and I don’t know what’s my health status now. It was quite a dreamless night, several times I texted Boze and played the ultimate drama queen until he had to discipline me in a very crude manner and I started playing victim syndrome.
Next day, I met Gaia and narrated the most awful thing happened to me (at that time it was actually) and she hugged me and counselled me and advised to have a test and I was like “NO”. I was afraid of the possibility of contracting HIV and I didn’t want to go through all that. But one day Boze hijacked me and took me to the hospital where I got tested. The ass of the guy there was so yummy and I said, “Boze now you are gonna bump him and I’ll see you from above.” And he gave me the most terrible look of his, which means shut up right away or otherwise I am gonna punch you. Later that night, he texted me up and said, “If you are gonna get HIV, I am gonna fight hard with God. He can’t do this to you. I’ll never let this happen.” And I was literally touched.
From all this HIV fiasco what I got is that never buy the relationship and lovey dovey stuff from people easily. If you don’t lie then don’t think no one can else lie as well. Second thing I learned is that SAFE SEX is very important. I am not into penetration and that’s why the probability of contracting HIV and other STI’s is almost nil as compared to the people who are into penetration. So guys always do safe sex regardless of how much the super-hot and super clean your partner seemed to you. Because it’s the matter of your life and that’s the most important and precious thing.