Distances Do Matter

It all started one day. I was surfing at popular gay social networking website Manjam when a message pooped up into my account but knowing what kind of pathetic pick up lines and horrendous visual content it might be having, I simply ignored it. But before logging out, I checked my inbox and found a long message which wasn’t lesser than any epic of gigantic proportions. I was pleasantly shocked after reading that mail as that the guy seemed quite comfortable with himself (which is quite unlikely with the crowd at Manjam), not into a quickie (again a rarity) and thus didn’t qualify as a cheapster(s) (who are in abundance at Manjam). I replied him back, in the similar fashion, with a detailed descriptive personal statement (as if applying for any Graduate program). Pura pura story teller haun na main bhi.
In just a week, we exchanged numbers, started talking and doing cyber sex. Yes, Cyber sex….. now don’t react as if you are learning this term very first time. You may find it lusty or obnoxious but sweety it’s very much real and prevalent among humans. Khair, resuming my story, we exchanged pics online, added each other at facebook and vow to remain with each other. He was almost 800 miles away from me and still we used to talk and text as if we live in the same town. We used to talk what we were doing, where we were going, what we ate, whom do we befriended with and with whom we had a row. Than there was familial stuff, how badly our parents treat us, the latest homophobic encounter we had, the book we were reading or the movie we watched and loved.

Those were very strange, unexpected days for me. At times I would start wondering that all his love, appreciation and passion for me is momentary which will wither away as soon as he would see me(because i think i am not that attractive). At others, I thought myself the luckiest person on earth who is being, pampered, owned and loved by someone sensible and sensitive.

He was almost two years younger than me and lived very far away. And I guess these two basic reasons were the root cause of our fights mostly. He thought I was too much egoistic, controlling and inconsiderate whereas I used to consider him immature, demanding and over-emotional. We thought of breaking up for at least three times before we finally parted our ways. I still remember when he used to say, “My janu, my Hadi.” Ahhhh haaaaa…………..

Somehow, we couldn't manage to meet each other in spite of our desperation and longing for it. A few days back, during a heart to heart talk with my friend, I got senti when he said that if we have ever met than things would definitely have been different. And i know it is true. Distances do matter. Our life isn’t a fairy tale; the kind of pressures and stresses we all have to face in this roller coaster ride, we call life, demands for someone dear who is also near to us.

From the past few weeks, I have been going through a personal auditing phase, so looking in retrospect, I thought of the way we ended up and felt like apologizing. Therefore, I texted him and we both kind of sorted out the issues. It was fun. Now while writing all this i remember that whenever he used to say that he would die without me, I had always replied him back, “Tum nae maro gay, koi kissi kay liye nae marta.” (You will not die, no one dies for anyone.) And look, we both are alive and happy(i guess).

Photo Courtesy: Ivan Cash