I am Top

In accordance with the binary rules of our sub-culture,
“I am a top”.
I am a top because I screw
because I pay
because I don't do all those
"girlie" things which are considered
more abominable for me than seven deadly sins.
I am a top,
I can't cry my heart out
can't sit cross-legged
can't drag
can't gossip
can't be loud and proud
can't even laugh my mind out
And if I dare do all this stuff
then I’ll be a "Baji."
Tops are strong.
Tops are macho.
Tops are tough.
They never get emotional.
Can never get hurt.
Always remain happy and enjoy.
That's what expected of me.
That's what I end up being
a top........
After challenging the heteronormative
codes of conduct, I have to conform to 'gay codes',
gay prototypes-
Where we have only
tops and bottoms
plugs and sockets
Mards and Bajis.
There's not a single gay and gay only.
Just hetero wannabes.....

[Baji: A slang for gay (effeminate one mostly); Mard: A macho man]

(This poem has been published in May 2010 issue of Gaylaxy magazine).
Photo Courtesy: Abstract Shape by Ivan Prole